More heart, less wallet!

Does anyone remember that 1980s hit called ‘Ain’t Nothin’ Goin’ But The Rent’? One of its famous lines states,“You got to have a J-O-B if you wanna be with me”.

Show me the money!

In the song, Gwen Guthrie (the singer) explains that there’s no romance without finance, and that a ‘fly girl’ like her needs financial security because she has rent and bills to think about.

I heard that song in a market stall recently, and a friend and I simultaneously burst into song, repeating Guthrie’s words while prompting the stall owner to laugh out loud.

Maybe it was because our singing was so bad, but I think the stall owner, who was male, was more taken by the words we were repeating as though giving a warning to jobless males to stay away from us!

Remember the song ‘No Scrubs’ by TLC? Now that feisty female trio had a serious definition of what a ‘scrub’ was – that is, a grown man who still lives at home, who doesn’t have a car and gets driven around by his friends, and so on. In the song, the girls say that they absolutely do not want to be associated with such males.

And really, what they are saying is exactly what the first song states, ie. that a man without material wealth is not worth a second look.

I tend to have a problem with that train of thought, especially among women who are waiting to be taken care of as though they do not have a pair of productive hands to do something with! Complete dependency upon anyone, from your parents to your friends to your man, isn’t right. A person always needs to have something going on for themselves, no matter how small, in order to feel that personal sense of fulfillment and self-pride.

But let’s look at a group of women like TLC – young, attractive, fearless and filthy rich at the time!!! Far from having a dependency syndrome, they were actually very independent women.

TLC: Young, attractive, fearless and filthy rich!!!

So could a relationship between such women and the so-called ‘scrub’ actually work out?

Mmm. Tricky one. Because, and I am sure we all know this, relationships aren’t all about love. Many couples fight continuously over their finances and some seemingly loving unions even come to an end because of cash issues.

Those who believe in evolution state that over the ages, our species has shown a constant drive towards survival which entails females and male seeking out partners who will bear them viable offspring. Before money came along, viability of the male was gauged by his physical strength, his ability to hunt and supply enough food, and other such factors.

Today, it would seem that the markers of  a male’s viability have changed significantly. If a man has enough money – as shown by the clothes he wears, the car he drives, the places he dines, the suburb he lives in, etc –  this will definitely work in his favour in getting a woman’s attention.


Because ultimately, we are all looking for suitors with whom we can be assured of security, not only in terms of affection, but also in terms of the finer things in life.

Marilyn Monroe did sing that diamonds were a girl’s best friend!

But hang on. I am not going to go with this argument all the way.

I believe there is a difference between wanting the best for your future and being a plain and shameless gold digger.

Kanye West and Jamie Foxx said it when they sang that a gold digger is a trifling friend who takes all a man’s money, even when he is need.

Yes, my brothers, beware of such as those!

Having a flashy Merc or a house on the hills will not guarantee happiness. Yes, it will guarantee comfort. But happiness is something more intimate, something about finding the right person and loving them regardless of what social standards dictate.

And who is to say that the guy you look at now – jobless and penniless – will not eventually make something of their financial life?

Look more at the heart, than the wallet, I say.

The latest i-Phone for a birthday gift      – $ 1 000

Shopping trip to Italy                              – $10 00

Finding your soul mate                           – PRICELESS!!!

6 thoughts on “More heart, less wallet!

  1. Quite enlightening.

    i believe that if one takes their time, its easier to tell whether someone is in yo life to dig gold or to love you. It is good for a lady to look for a man that has the potential to look after them. Here emphasis is on potential. One can be rich today, but because it is inherited wealth, it might be gone tomorrow. and someone can be poor 2day and still be poor tomorrow coz they have no potential to work to create the wealth which is needed for the security. So nomatter how much love someone can have (male or female) , if they lack the potential to help you sustain each other, i believe that love may be problematic.

  2. Well, you said it. Some of the women demanding that their man be productive and show that he has a future are often themselves filthy rich. I do not think they necessarily want to be taken care of, or suffer a dependency syndrome. If anything, they are afraid of being depended on! Especially by lazy men, oh what a put off. Remember, with relationships, there can be ups and downs financially, so if you stick yourself to one person who actually has no future or shows no signs of financial maturity; when you fall into financial straights yourself, there will be nothing but roaches to feed on, thats what a lot of women simply want to guard against.


  3. True, ere’s no romance without finance bt there IS love without finance. i believe wn we talk about romance its jus some form of having fun, nothing serious n for 1 to hv fun there’s gota be money, n a hell lot of it. If someone doesnt have money 2day that doesnt mean tt person will be tt way forever, the tables may turn n he will have money. And because he has a merc, a hge house n lots of cash today does not mean tt money will be there tomorrow. But if there is love, it will always be there.
    Have u ever realised that some of the not so rich couples are the happiest. There are some people who eat sadza and vegetables every single day but that one roomed house is always full of laughter u actually envy their joy at times. wat binds them together is the love they have for each other not money. those who married for money have no peace. u may have all the clothes n everything u wish for but once that money is gone so is the artificial love. besides a man with his money is a problem, u will forever be indebted to that man thats wen u hear some say “iwe ndakakunhonga kumarara uko uri tsuro zvayo so dont even say a word” Wat is this now. i become a slave in my own house all for the love of money. No. Even Macheso sang wani “mupfumi kare bodho ndichagara ndiri mudyiswa.” Yes money is important but that is not wat should determine the way a relationship goes. Wat i would look for is a man who loves me and adores me. If he comes with money well thats a plus!! Iam not saying i will go for even a beggar. i would want a man with potential. you know he doesnt have money today but he’s got potential so we meet and fall in love today and then start a life together, if its money it will find us together and we grom together.
    And Fungai, you and i will get along pretty well, i also have a problem with women who wait to be taken care of, A BIG PROBLEM actually.I like independent women, through and through. Its good to be a housewife but at least if u become a housewife with a plan such that the day your hubby dies u can walk out the door and get the job you want. I loath dependent women vanonzi ana “baba hupfu hwapera” if we run out of salt or mealie meal that day and papa is at work no food is eaten in that houyse till papa comes back from work, even at 10 pm, vana vanotorara nenzara. thats because the women is too dependent and cant even fend for herself, even an unexpected monthly period will have to wait for papa to come back home and supply money for the sanitary pads. urrgh i actually find that thot disgusting at times.

  4. True that. It seems though that its not only women who tend to be dependent. Let’s also look at the changing economic roles in our society. It seems there is a breed of men that are looking for women that will “keep” them. They hunt for seemingly successful women then goad them then try to dig into their resources. Hope these men will also realise that there is more to relationships than being kept and women with money have feelings too.

  5. Wow, I think it shouldn’t be the main thing that determines a relationship but a man should be financially secure as he is supposed to be the provider. God gave Adam a Helper so the guy should be stable enough to have some sort of plan that you as his Helper can support him with.

    I agree with Stash, many women fear being depended on. These days men are becoming very lazy and with all the Independent woman talk they see it as the easy way out instead of working hard.

    I think a hard working man who is driven is a wise choice should he not have the money (yet) but the love is there…

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